


Adaptations

by synthetica



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Friends With Benefits, M/M, Rimming, idc if anyone else cares abt this pairing but me bc i care enough for like 20 people lord
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-04-23 03:03:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4860596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/synthetica/pseuds/synthetica
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything has to change. It's just a question of how much and how fast.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Adaptations

Sometimes, Siwon thinks Hyukjae is the only thing in his life that isn’t an illusion.

Well, no, that sounds dramatic. It’s not like he doubts the existence of anything else, or that it’s somehow artificial. There’s nothing about his life—not the people, or the places, or the schedules that he isn’t thankful for. He couldn’t take any of it for granted even if he wanted to. The chance of losing all he’s worked for is too high to risk by being ungrateful. Diligence is one thing, but at the end of the day Siwon knows his entire life has been nothing more than pure luck from his birth to this very moment, a towel slung over his shoulders and another around his waist as he steps out of the glass-panel shower in his Shanghai hotel room.

He exhales, leaning his back against the sliding door and letting the steam work into his muscles, still tense from one the longest days of filming he’s had in recent memory. The four hours and fifteen takes they spent on the fight sequence in scene two are definitely not an illusion, if the bruise on his left hip is anything to go by, and neither is the ungodly hour he had to wake up for it. Crossing over to the sink, he breaks up the steam in the mirror with his fingertips, glancing at himself in the clear spaces. The circles under his eyes will need more than one coat of concealer, he notes with a grimace as he runs through the motions of his nightly skincare routine. No. It’s all very real.

But like luck itself, this lifestyle is fickle. Anyone in his position has to know that if they want to survive. Public opinion can change on a dime, and even if you can play it safe riding in the eye of the storm, making it work means keeping up with the fastest, harshest parts of it. It’s easy to be a trend. Anyone can do that. There was a time when they, too, thought luck was all it would take. But sometimes you have to learn it the hard way—the world always moves on, and if you want to hold your head above water, you move on too.

When he wakes up tomorrow, the bruises will have faded, or at least look like they have, and he’ll down his coffee and smile and of course he’ll be rested enough to look his sharpest, to move his quickest, to be at his kindest. Just because it isn’t true now doesn’t mean he won’t make damn sure it is by the time it matters. That’s what it takes.

He closes his eyes and leans his hands against the counter, remembering the last piece of advice Han Geng ever gave him. They met at a back in a dive bar in Beijing, at a time when the circles under Han Geng’s own eyes looked less like fatigue and more like he’d been hit.

_There’s a certain type of person this life fits_ , he’d said, sipping his baijiu with a far-off gaze. It didn’t strike Siwon until afterwards, but he knew, then. Maybe before anyone except Heechul, though whatever grim bragging rights it could have earned him are null considering how hard he worked to shove the thought down. _Every once and a while, you wake up a new person, and you never go back.  
_

Han Geng never answered either of Siwon’s unspoken questions. Well, he answered one of them. He isn’t that kind of person, not in the way Super Junior required him to be. Siwon just doesn’t know if the fact he’s still here means _he_ is or not. He’s had a few opportunities to ask, but he’s never taken them. It’s crossed his mind to have Heechul ask in his stead, but his visits to him are something private, and even though every other member knows why he spends free days traveling to China, the delicate balance of it is something no one wants to upend.

Maybe it’s for the same reason that when Donghae visited his set earlier in the day, he just shrugged and averted his eyes at Siwon’s question of what the E of D&E was up to. Somehow, when Siwon wasn’t looking, he and Hyukjae began to fall into that same category: private, something better left undisturbed. Even to one of their closest friends.

Donghae took him out to lunch during his one short break to hand him his backstage pass for their show tomorrow night. Or at least that was his excuse, but Siwon knows better. Donghae’s a sentimentalist before anything else, and even if he had to adjust half his schedule, which Siwon knows he did, he’d never dream of being in the same city without making time for him. The members joke about how Donghae will always be the quiet taxi driver’s son from Mokpo, and it’s true in a way. But he sees Donghae a little differently. Over time, his heart’s become stronger, and he holds himself taller, more confidently… But he’s softer, too, his edges less sharp and volatile.

To the others, he’s grown seamlessly from a boy to a man, the change natural enough to not even register. But Siwon’s seen it. (Jungsu and Hyukjae too, to be fair. Maybe even Kyuhyun, though he’d be loath to admit it.) Raising Donghae was like trying to work a rusted gearshift downhill.

He didn’t let Siwon pay the full tab, even though he tried. He grew up well, Siwon thought as he watched Donghae go, all broad shoulders and easy gait.

He wonders if anyone else could make it look as easy. Let alone himself.

When he returns to the bedroom, Hyukjae is perched on the bed, laying flat on his stomach as he flicks through channels on the TV with a bored expression. The only acknowledgement Siwon’s entrance gets is a lazy nod before he flips over, leaning his head backwards off the mattress to turn the set off, dropping the remote on the floor beneath him. He looks about as tired as Siwon feels, but his expression is alive and bright, all smiles and raised eyebrows. 

“You took forever,” he grins, running a hand back through his hair (recently dyed blonde again, a good choice in Siwon’s opinion). “At least if I run out of hot water later I know who to blame.”

If it were anyone else, Siwon would be screaming at him to either get out, or explain himself, or both. But that’s the thing with Hyukjae, he’s always been the loose cannon, the one to do something completely unexpected and maybe just a little crazy— like taking Siwon’s unspoken offer when he explained they have a night free in the same city. And Siwon would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t expect it.

It’s a risk to get his hopes up too high over anything, though, and his presence sends him reeling back a few steps anyway, pulse spiking. He smiles back, focusing to keep it steady. “How’d you get in?”

The answer doesn’t matter— Siwon would have let him in in regardless, and he knows it judging by the quirk of his lips. Hyukjae humors him though, gesturing with his hand in one sweeping, lazy motion to point at a second keycard next to the one Siwon put on the desk earlier. He furrows his brows, realizing exactly at what point in the day he lost the spare just as Hyukjae opens his mouth to speak.

“Donghae,” they say in unison. Hyukjae laughs like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard, and that sound melts the tension out of Siwon’s muscles better than the hottest shower ever could.

It should worry him he’s perfectly fine with Hyukjae just showing up like he owns the place, laying on _his_ bed wearing _his_ slippers (the pug ones, Siwon’s favorite pair and now Hyukjae’s as well, apparently) and insisting he was waiting on _him_ … It should worry him that even if this were the first time it happened, he’d blink and accept it all the same. Even if this scene played out years ago, back when they were younger and even more stressed and frayed than they are now, he still wouldn’t be able to find it unexpected.

In general, the members seem to think Hyukjae is one of the hardest to predict, and maybe he’s biased, but Siwon doesn’t see it. He and Donghae work so well because they’re opposites of each other in that respect. Hyukjae’s transition from the trainee who couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket to one half of an entire headlining tour was clunky and awkward every step of the way, and visibly so. Even if others were more expressive, or more candid, he was always the one pitching late night fits, arguing with Jungsu on set, doing the same exact turn over and over all night until his legs gave out... nothing about Hyukjae has ever been easy.

Or at least that’s what the rest seem to believe. But Siwon’s seen Hyukjae’s type in the corporate world, albeit far less charming—he’s stubborn, dedicated, especially eager, and he’s always been that way. It radiates off him in obvious, unflinching waves, and though it took Siwon some time to figure out too, every conflict Hyukjae’s ever had has been a result of his inability to change. After that revelation, which clicked in the days following the lawsuit, everything about him became clear. If Han Geng’s words had an exception, it’d be him.

That doesn’t mean he _understands_ Hyukjae. Not completely. Or at least not in the way he reads someone like Kyuhyun or Ryeowook, transparent and familiar. It’s more that he never surprises him— he always understands what Hyukjae does makes sense because it’s Hyukjae. Even if Siwon doesn’t always understand _why_ , his actions never take Siwon off guard because more than anyone, Hyukjae is consistent.

That’s what makes him feel real, and it’s written all over his face as he stares Siwon down, earnest and curious. It’s the same look that sent Siwon crawling awkwardly across the back seat of the company van after everyone else left that night seven months ago. His expression was all it took to let Hyukjae slide a hand down his boxers, kiss his protests of exhibitionism away, and pull him through orgasm with the best handjob of his life, because how was he supposed to refuse? (He didn’t ask why, but Hyukjae told him anyway, thumbing over a hickey on his neck and offering ‘you looked like you needed it’ instead of an apology. His stylist was less enthused.)

That was jarring. He’s only human. But then again, Siwon wasn’t really shocked it happened, either. Or maybe he just can’t imagine what things would look like now if it hadn’t. Either way, Hyukjae learned very quickly Siwon couldn’t say no to that look even if he wanted to. It pins him down every single time, and while Siwon would love to believe he’s over his self-consciousness about it, he can’t help but feel distinctly awkward as they catch each other’s eyes now, heat rising up his neck.

Hyukjae extends a hand, pulling Siwon back into the moment. “Get over here.”

He counts every step he takes, all too aware he’s damp and practically naked while Hyukjae is most definitely neither of those things. The anxiety must show in his face, Hyukjae grabbing hold of his wrist as soon as he’s within reach and tugging him down to sit on the mattress with a huff. Siwon offers a shaky smile, but Hyukjae just rolls his eyes, turning over on his side to face him.

“You’re thinking about something,” he states, not an observation or a question. “I guarantee it’s stupid.”

“It’s nothing,” Siwon replies, leaning back on his hands as Hyukjae’s fingers trail up his forearm, leaving his skin itching wherever they touch. He’s right, but that doesn’t make him feel better, especially not when Hyukjae looks so… He doesn’t want to say beautiful, because it doesn’t feel right, but neither does anything else he can think of. He resists the urge to swear.

“Sure,” Hyukjae drawls, and Siwon can’t, or rather doesn’t want to put up a fight as Hyukjae grabs him by the hand and guides him up until Siwon is fully on top of the bed, kneeling with only his feet off the edge. Siwon can’t tell if the man under him is more smug or anticipating as he hedges closer, crawling on his hands and knees to straddle Hyukjae between his legs. The position is automatic, easy, but it doesn’t stop the tension winding into his body. “If it’s nothing, kiss me?”

They meet halfway, but he knows Hyukjae only leans in to make sure Siwon will follow through. He catches Siwon’s lower lip between his teeth and inhales, and that’s more than enough reassurance for Siwon to push forward, eyes fluttering closed. He always starts out chaste, hesitant—he’s fine leading Hyukjae on principle. Most of the time they both seem to prefer it. But Siwon’s observant, and he knows better than to expect control when Hyukjae comes to him. On nights like this it’s better to let Hyukjae take it, so when he kisses him, it’s all closed lips and no wandering hands. Careful.

It’s not because he actually wants to take it slow, though. It’s strictly ulterior. Siwon learned long before they ever started screwing that testing Hyukjae’s patience gets results, and fast. Sure enough, Hyukjae twitches under him, reaching up to wrap his hands around Siwon’s neck and tugging down hard enough to press their chests together. Hyukjae snorts, giving himself time to adjust to something more comfortable as Siwon leans down on his elbows, biting down a grin. The break is over before he can catch his breath, though, and when Hyukjae kisses him this time, it’s everything Siwon’s wasn’t.

It’s hungry, insistent, all teeth and tongue. Need hitches in the back of Siwon’s throat as he fights to keep up, leaning in farther and farther just to match him. It’s a chase, and something rushes through his veins at that thought, Hyukjae’s hands moving to his hair as they slide into a mutual rhythm. Siwon sighs into his mouth, relief turning into pleasure as Hyukjae ruts up against his hips, light and teasing. It’s his turn to be impatient now, rolling down in desperation to feel that friction again and letting out a soft moan when Hyukjae moves with him.

He feels himself smile against his lips and Hyukjae responds immediately, moving his hands down to hook his fingers under the towel still clinging to Siwon’s waist. He realizes, belatedly, how incredibly damp and awkward the scene before him is for all the wrong reasons, leaning back to frantically toss it off his body while muttering half-formed apologies under his breath.

The realization that he’s both completely naked and completely hard when all they’ve done is make out comes to him even slower.

Siwon weighs the pros and cons of apologizing for the situation, but decides at the last second it would probably only complicate things farther. He pulls a face and studies Hyukjae out of the corner of his eye, who looks like it’s taking everything in him not to burst out laughing, leaning up with one hand while the other covers his face.

“Hey, this isn’t fair,” Siwon protests, but it sounds weak even to his own ears. That breaks him, laughter finally ringing through the hotel room as Hyukjae throws his head back and all but howls despite Siwon’s stuttered pleas to keep quiet.

“Okay, okay.” He gathers himself after a minute, reaching up to kiss the side of Siwon’s frown before he can blink, though he doesn’t miss Hyukjae’s grin of victory. The intimacy of it is far from lost on him, but before he can overanalyze it Hyukjae sticks out his tongue, winking. “Sorry, but you should have seen your expression just now, shit.”

“Careful, I’m not the one who had to steal a keycard to get laid,” Siwon reaches back and throws a pillow at him half-heartedly, not the least bit sure how seriously he means any of what he’s saying. “Too busy to give me a warning?”

“Donghae stole it, not me.” There’s a teasing edge to Hyukjae’s voice, but his expression shifts into something more serious, eyes widening as he catches the throw pillow with ease. “I just thought it might be healthy for you to do something, you know, other than work for once. You did say you were free.”

“And I meant it,” Siwon insists, holding up his hands in defense. Hyukjae isn’t making any attempts to leave, but he readjusts his position on the mattress anyway, and Siwon thinks it’s one of the sweeter things he’s done for him. His pulse spikes, egging him on. “Really, though. I know you’re busy, Hyukjae. You don’t need to feel obligated.”

“I mean, I am busy,” he shrugs, averting his eyes. Siwon can’t help how his chest sinks at that, mostly out of empathy, but he can’t deny the disappointment, either. There’s a beat of silence where his words ring heavy, but Siwon isn’t naïve enough to need anything more said. Hyukjae continues anyway. “So as much as I would totally fuck you for your own benefit, I do want to be here, yeah.”

“Right,” Siwon’s mouth feels a bit dry, but he swallows his thoughts down. He doesn’t know how to phrase what he wants, so he doesn’t try, shifting up on his knees and snapping the first few buttons of Hyukjae’s shirt loose. Siwon’s face hovers just above his chest, not enough self-control left to stop him from pressing his lips to the exposed skin. “So… then…”

Hyukjae covers Siwon’s hands with his own, guiding him in finishing down the rest of his shirt. He lets Siwon slide it off his shoulders, helping just enough to get his arms loose and toss it on the floor. He’s still more clothed than Siwon would like, but it’s better, trailing a hand absently over his bare chest. Hyukjae tips his chin up with his fingertips and turns Siwon’s face to the side, something close to concern on his face. “What do you want tonight?”

Siwon winces despite himself, rushing to smooth it out in the seconds that follow. It’s so Hyukjae to ask something like that so clinically, he just wishes he knew how to be equally charming in response. Maybe if Siwon were… better at this sort of thing he’d be able to play off it, but instead, every reply he can think of just feels flat. (He doesn’t know if he means playing this sexual role or their arrangement in general, but he’ll leave that for another day.) He gives up within seconds. “Do what you want, really.”

“Really?” He quirks an eyebrow, but that doesn’t stop him from switching their positions, gently pushing Siwon down on his back to the bedspread. Hyukjae leans in, bracing a hand against Siwon’s shoulder while the other palms at his erection and, God, if his arousal had faded any in the past few minutes, Hyukjae’s fingers tracing up the shaft while he runs his thumb over the slit is more than enough to bring him back to the moment. Siwon pulls him back down for a kiss, but it doesn’t last long, Hyukjae going back to staring at him within seconds. He blinks, bangs falling into his eyes as he continues to work up and down Siwon’s length. “Because you kinda look like you’ve been through hell and back. No offense.”

Siwon doesn’t know how to say that Hyukjae could do anything to him, anything at all, and it’d be the best release he’ll ever get from all this. He doesn’t know how to say he’s wanted him years before they started this, or that he thinks Hyukjae is the hottest person he’s ever laid his eyes on, and that it’s enough he even thinks screwing him is a worthwhile use of his one night off. He doesn’t know how to say he’ll get off to whatever comes next for weeks, but the real thing is always better than whatever rushed masturbatory fantasies he can strum up. This is the only thing that makes him feel grounded. It doesn’t matter what or how. He just wants him.

He doesn’t even want to say any of that in the first place. Not to his face, anyway. So he just nods. “Really.”

A grin spreads across Hyukjae’s face, striking Siwon at just the right moment to make the friction of Hyukjae’s hips against Siwon’s all the more apparent, the texture of the fabric and the heat of his own erection enough to make him hiss. Hyukjae kisses him again, leaning in to Siwon’s touch as his hands wander aimlessly across his back, taut with muscle. His lower lip is already swollen, Hyukjae making a soft noise in the back of his throat as he runs his tongue over it.

“Let me think,” he hums, face lighting up as he pulls his head back. “Well, I could suck you off, though that’s kind of tame and boring. We’ll fuck, that’s a given, but… I could always eat you out first. How’s that sound?”

Siwon lets out an unidentifiable noise from the back of his throat in reply. He’s not sure if it’s an answer, but doesn’t mind that Hyukjae takes it as such with a nod of satisfaction. “Good business. By the way…”

It only took twice for Siwon to understand he can’t count on Hyukjae to care about remembering the details. At this point they’ve had this dialogue so many times he could act it out by himself to spare Hyukjae the trouble, but he likes him too much for that. Not to mention he’s so turned on it hurts and being patient is beyond him, anyway. “Front zipper on my suitcase.”

“You’re a lifesaver.” He pries himself off in one fluid motion, Siwon canting his hips upwards unconsciously at the lack of contact. The ache doesn’t subside in the least as he watches the other man stride across the room, biting back a moan as he takes in the lean curves of Hyukjae’s body, sweat soaked and jeans tight across his crotch. It’s been a month or so since they’ve last done this, and in that time, he’s only gotten more defined from the looks of it. It only takes him seconds to find the bottle of lube and handful of condoms Siwon packed as a hopeful gesture, if not for Hyukjae, then someone else.

(The fact he hasn’t had sex with… well, anyone that isn’t Hyukjae in months notwithstanding. But, again, he files that away for later consideration.)

“You’re gorgeous,” he mutters before his mind can even catch up to the words. He waits, studying Hyukjae’s expression for anything other than mild surprise before he continues, but he doesn’t find it. “If you haven’t heard that lately.”

If Siwon didn’t know better, he’d think Hyukjae looks touched at that, something in his eyes softening. He gazes down, the corners of his mouth pulling up slightly, but when he looks up, Hyukjae meets his eyes, setting the items aside for the time being. “Roll over, please.”

The color in his cheeks is the closest thing to a thank you he’ll ever get, but Siwon counts it as a victory all the same. He feels Hyukjae’s eyes on him even as he turns away, anticipation running through his body as Hyukjae slides up against his back like he belongs there and places his lips at the base of his neck. The buildup drives him up a wall as much as he melts at the tenderness of it, cursing how slowly Hyukjae traces down his spine, hands following the sides of his body before stopping at his hips. He hesitates over his lower black, a silent laugh over Siwon’s skin causing his cock to twitch.

“Shit,” Hyukjae mutters, the awe in his tone catching Siwon off balance. He rolls his shoulders to steady himself, swallowing. “You’re even better than I remembered, somehow.”

Hyukjae scoots back on his knees and reaches for the lube, Siwon closing his eyes as he hears the cap pop off and back on again, the room silent aside from their bodies shifting. He stretches one hand against the small of Siwon’s back and brings his head down between his legs, massaging his thumb against the back of his ribcage in warning. He breathes in as soon as he feels Hyukjae against him, throat hitching as Hyukjae slides the first finger inside of him, hesitating only a second until Siwon exhales. He manages to keep himself from shaking as Hyukjae works in the second, clawing the nails of his other hand into Siwon’s skin.

  
“Everything good?”

“Yeah,” Siwon replies, only somewhat proud he’s able to find his voice despite the incredible heat rushing through his body. Hyukjae’s words only add to how painfully aware he is of his erection rutting against the sheets and the need for more, pride the only thing keeping him from fucking his fingers right then. “It’s amazing.”

The added _how much better I feel_ at the end doesn’t need to be said, and he’s grateful for it. He leans back into his hand with barely concealed impatience, though he has the good sense to bite his lip before he moans. Hyukjae gets the point, though, shifting his entire body down as he traces his free hand up the inside of Siwon’s thigh, and if he wasn’t already aware of just how badly he needs this, he can’t ignore it now. He feels Hyukjae breathe in, and the tension is searing, want burning in his dick spreading straight through to the rest of his body. Hyukjae works his fingers in farther, Siwon arching his back as he scissors them apart, working his hand in circles. It hurts like hell even if it’s in the best way, Siwon groaning into the touch and arching his back with a hiss.

Hyukjae rolls down and pushes his tongue in between his fingers, testing Siwon at first with a flick. It’s immediately too much, Siwon curling against the pillows with a strangled moan and balling his fists into the bedspread, entire body going rigid. There’s no time to gather himself before Hyukjae goes in again, farther this time, running his tongue along the edge. Siwon’s so hard he could scream, and as fucking brilliant as Hyukjae feels right now, he wants more, hips jerking down in _need_ despite the ache of his cock against the comforter.

It can’t be more than a few seconds, but it feels like Hyukjae takes years working him open, holding his fingers steady and letting his mouth do the rest. Siwon can barely think straight long enough to keep himself from nearly screaming his name, cutting off every variation of _oh God_ and focusing on just breathing. The heat is unbearable, and just as he feels like every cell of his body is going to burst from the anticipation, Hyukjae presses his fingers straight against his prostate, and he can’t stop himself this time.

“God, Hyukjae,” he pants, feeling nothing even close to release when Hyukjae pulls back, wiping his fingers up on the comforter and licking a stripe up Siwon’s lower back. Siwon shudders, heaving out pants against the mattress in an attempt to steady his tone. “Just… I need…”

“What is it?” Hyukjae asks from somewhere around his ear, crawling forward so he’s arched in the perfect position to have his dick resting on Siwon’s ass, erection even more obvious than before. He wants to swear at him because Hyukjae _knows_ what he needs. He needs him to just fuck him already, damn it, but he’s talked about this before, too. How he isn’t confident unless it’s like this, where Siwon advocates for it instead of just letting it happen. Hyukjae leans in closer, eyes wide. “I want to hear it from you.”

It’s another thing about Hyukjae he doesn’t really get. Maybe later, he’ll appreciate that as far as a stress fuck goes, Hyukjae’s one of the most genuine and sincere he can imagine. But now, all it does is drive him crazy, a groan escaping his throat. It takes all the strength he has left in him to hiss out his request, barely audible to even his own ears. “I need you inside me.”

“That I can do.” He can hear the grin in Hyukjae’s voice, and he’s glad he’s facing away. Seeing it for real would leave him unhinged, that he’s sure of. It’s too bright for a moment like this. He wouldn’t know what to do. “One thing, though.”

Hyukjae hesitates, his hands going still. When he speaks, the tone is different—still strong, but softer, intimate. “Face me this time.”

Siwon feels like the air’s been punched out of his chest, mouth clamping down shut before parting his lips in a silent ‘oh’. It takes him a second to process his words, each one settling in one by one and sliding to rearrange in the right order. God, yes. Siwon’s wanted to screw him face to face since the very first time but could never work up the nerve to ask. He’s been cautious, afraid of altering the fragile balance of… whatever they are. It’s ridiculous, but the thought that maybe it could somehow be the tipping point from ‘okay’ to ‘not okay’ restrained him, even when it felt wrong to press him face-down. The chance it’s too much, too intimate, too personal and would cause Hyukjae to rethink… it wasn’t a risk he was ever willing to take before. But he’s always wanted it.

He runs his tongue over his bottom lip. “Alright.”

Following it with thank you would be too much, so instead Siwon just rolls over from under Hyukjae’s arms, shifting up so he’s resting his shoulders against the pillows. He’s sweat-slicked and panting, and its all Siwon can do to wait for Hyukjae’s hands to find his and guide them to the waistband of his jeans instead of grabbing at the fabric himself. He can’t ignore the shake in Hyukjae’s shoulders as he leans forward, and his control slips despite himself, pressing a kiss to the skin just above his boxers.

“Try not to kick me in the face again, if at all possible.” Siwon offers, the way Hyukjae cants his hips up too reminiscent of last month’s black eye for comfort. (To be honest, he’s less traumatized from the injury than he is the increasingly creative ways he had to drum up to explain it. Jungsu’s knowing glare will fuel his nightmares for years to come.)

“Try not to get kicked in the face,” he fires back with a shrug, and Siwon almost, almost worries he’s trapped, but he’s just a hair faster, grabbing on to Hyukjae’s left knee just before it would have smashed into his shoulder. He raises an eyebrow, snorting at the sight of Hyukjae’s jeans only halfway down his ass. “Oh come _on_ , I wasn’t even aiming for it that time.” 

As an actor, he’s ashamed at how he can’t fake anger in his expression. “Shut up.”

Hyukjae’s lips part just an inch at that, and although it’s not much, Siwon knows he isn’t imagining how he shivers against him.

It’s always easier when they work together, even though it’s awkward no matter what trying to pry off skinny jeans from his ridiculously long legs when Hyukjae insists on staying on top of him. It’s slow, and that makes it hard to even breathe with how helplessly turned on he is, but it’s erotic in its own way to work his hands over Hyukjae’s body for a change. Just being able to touch him is the thing he misses most when he’s not on top, he thinks. Hyukjae kisses him when he can, Siwon moaning into his mouth and trailing his fingers up and down his legs, his thighs.

It eases some of the tension—the need for release is still present, but it’s more of a slow burn, necessary but less urgent. It’s not hard for Siwon to take his time pulling of his boxers by the time he gets there, thankful he trusts Hyukjae not to find it creepy how many times he traces over the curve of his hipbone before finally yanking off the fabric.

Siwon doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of seeing him naked. If it was any other night, he’d suck him off right now, the way Hyukjae leans back on Siwon’s hips with a lazy smile not quite casual enough to make up for how visibly hard he is. Still, he can’t help but clean off the precome before Hyukjae’s wraps a hand around his neck and rubs circles with his thumb at the top of his spine, encouraging him on. He freezes after a second, though, and Siwon can’t help but laugh when he pulls away because he knew that would happen, too. Once Hyukjae decides it’s not about him, he won’t let it be. What Hyukjae wants out of tonight isn’t what’s going to benefit himself the most, and he knows it. Despite the rumors Siwon’s heard, he’s far from selfish in bed.

Or maybe he’s legitimately into getting Siwon off harder than himself. He’s always been strange like that. Siwon’s unable to tear his eyes away as Hyukjae reaches back for the lube, every muscle on his frame accentuated by the faint light of the lamp. He didn’t think he’d feel so grateful to be able to see something so simple and… not that sexy, but he is, Siwon’s chest twisting at the sight of him working it on his fingers with concentration. Maybe it’s not even a sexual thing.

Siwon just likes seeing him. It’s the details of people that draw him in, and if he weren’t already wrapped around this man’s finger, the way Hyukjae kisses him like he’s surprised at himself would probably do the trick. Siwon’s hands immediately fall to the Hyukjae’s waist, his hips sinking down to rut against Siwon’s while he slides his hand down, resting his palm against the curve of Siwon’s ass. Whatever need subsided during the intermission is back in full force, Siwon jerking his entire body up out of reflex the second he feels the first finger inserted again, biting down hard on Hyukjae’s lip.

“Jesus,” Hyukjae whines, snapping his head back and sending Siwon his best ‘small wounded animal’ expression. He hates to admit it, but it works. “Didn’t know you were into that.”

“I’m not,” Siwon insists, though he’s more than aware of how weak it sounds, and Hyukjae is too judging by how he presses in farther, biting back a grin at how Siwon whines into his next words. “But I’m willing to…”

“Siwon. Look at me. I’m fucking with you.”

He tries to look at him, he really does. But he can’t for more than a second before the heat is too much, too insistent, and he’s grabbing at Hyukjae’s shoulders to pull him down and kiss him again, arching his hips down into Hyukjae’s hand. He considers it just long enough to let lust speak for him instead of the more rational part of his brain, not like he had a hold on it to begin with. “I’d rather you just fuck me.”

Hyukjae stills at that, and the only thing Siwon can feel is his pulse against his skin for a long second, lips hovering close to his without ever touching. It only takes a second for him to break, though, exhaling with a shake of his head. His voice is so quiet Siwon barely even hears it. “Believe me, I’d love to.” 

There’s just enough time for Siwon to breathe in and twist his hand back into Hyukjae’s hair before he works a second finger in and presses, tension surging through his body in waves. Siwon masks a moan with another kiss, and he should be shocked at how far his inhibitions have slipped, but he can’t be, not when he’s finally able to see him how he wants to. It feels natural in a way it never did before, when one or the other could feel and enjoy it without being an active part. Even without it being said, something in the way they conducted it made the purpose clear: _This is a favor. Not an act of intimacy_.

Siwon doesn’t know if it falls on either side right now, at least not definitively. At its core, it’s still a favor. The question is to whom. With Hyukjae’s face pressed against the mattress and Siwon messaging his shoulders before pulling out, the answer was clear. Now, with Hyukjae’s tongue in his mouth and their chests pressed close enough to feel how fast his heart is racing, a line is blurred. Siwon wants to touch him, to feel him, to make every part mutual… not because he didn’t want to before, but because they’re letting it be. He can’t imagine how it would have happened before now, but he can’t imagine how it wouldn’t have happened tonight, either.

For the same reason nothing about Hyukjae surprises him, the way he moans Siwon’s name against his lips doesn’t surprise him either. Siwon’s chest lurches, something in his stomach turning, but he doesn’t have the concentration to think about what it makes him feel beyond a sharp pang of want. Hyukjae’s impatient, too, barely wasting time on a third finger and only working him long enough for Siwon to shudder with the pressure. Hyukjae stills at that, running his tongue along Siwon’s lower lip like a question, and the only answer he can think of is to wind one of his hands farther into Hyukjae’s hair, holding tight.

Hyukjae inhales, and Siwon matches him, knowing he only has a second to catch his breath before Hyukjae’s kneading his hands into the pillow on either side of Siwon’s head and sinking into him. It’s dizzying before he can even push past the initial pain, Hyukjae’s body against him emptying his mind of anything other than that _God_ , he needed this so badly. It’s the best he’s felt in weeks, just the feeling of Hyukjae inside of him stripping layer after layer of anxiety, like everything else in the world is pointless in comparison. He traces his free hand down to Hyukjae’s waist and presses him down against his hips, sighing. The touch is enough to break the momentarily stillness, Hyukjae pressing a rough kiss to his jawline and rocking into him.

The thing that shocked him most about being fucked by Hyukjae, at first at least, was that for a dancer, rhythm doesn’t really come… naturally to him. The first few thrusts are always too sharp, too insistent, and never on the mark. To be honest, it killed the mood the first couple of rounds, but Siwon is an optimist at heart, and he’s learned to appreciate it, in its own way. It’s… endearingly Hyukjae to mess up the start, but more than that, he almost loves the way he calculates it again when Siwon hisses in pain, determined to get it right.

He slows down and feels himself inside of him, eyelashes folding against Siwon’s cheekbone as he moves until he matches the way Siwon’s hips cant up to meet his. It clicks, then, and Siwon doesn’t even try to bite back a moan as Hyukjae brushes against his prostate, relishing in the feel of Hyukjae’s smile against his skin.

“God, there,” he breathes out, tensing with anticipation in the split second Hyukjae hesitates before pushing against it again, harder this time. Arousal twists straight in his chest, all the space between them agonizing. Siwon urges him down until Hyukjae’s lips are on his collarbone, teeth scraping against the skin and biting gently. There’s no resistance in Hyukjae’s movements after that, and he’s fucking him slow and even, each time he arches his hips higher, moans and hisses of his name falling from Siwon’s mouth one after the other. He feels up against the edge, like he’s so fucking close he could scream, but the buildup is always too long, the pressure rising and rising but never giving him release.

Siwon would scream Hyukjae’s name loud enough for half the city to hear if he thought for a second it would finally get him off, but it wouldn’t, so he settles for letting out a hitched moan of ‘fuck’, entire body aching. Whatever poise he was still maintaining is gone, grasping for any part of Hyukjae he can find and holding, begging him faster, harder, praying he’ll understand what it means. (Though he’s fully aware of the irony of prayer in a situation like this.) “ _Please_ …” 

Hyukjae catches his drift immediately, and when he groans in Siwon’s ear, it’s apparent how far gone he is, heart beating against his shoulder. A barely audible, ‘fine’ is the only warning he gets before he _moves_ , all time for recovery in between thrusts gone completely. Siwon bites down a full scream, and it’s clear within seconds he’s not going to last, the pressure too intense to withstand. He’s not even sure what he says while he’s coming, only that it’s strangled and vaguely blasphemous and he manages to cover his own chest. He tenses through the comedown, Hyukjae thankfully not needing much more to follow, a few more slow thrusts sending him over the edge.

“Inside,” Siwon manages to choke out before it’s too late. Hyukjae looks about as skeptical as someone seconds away from an orgasm can be, but obliges, Siwon sighing at the satisfaction of being able to command him again for once. It has nothing on the satisfaction of hearing his own name when Hyukjae climaxes, though. Nothing really does.

Hyukjae collapses on him, boneless and exhausted, and Siwon lets him. The realization that he just showered sucks some of the joy out of Hyukjae’s sweat-slicked hair on his neck, but not enough to really count when he’s too exhausted to care. Hyukjae pulls out like it’s the biggest hassle in the world, and Siwon finds it so endearing he’s almost disgusted with himself, a feeling that isn’t helped with him clinging at his shoulders as he tries to shift into a more comfortable position. For a while they lay like that, silent, recovering against each other. This part isn’t unusual, though it’s stickier than what he’s used to when Hyukjae’s laying on him instead of just next to him. If it weren’t for how damn bony he is, Siwon might be in danger of dozing off like that, one hand still on the small of Hyukjae’s back.

After a few minutes, maybe longer, Siwon isn’t counting, the moment breaks, Hyukjae rolling off and settling on his side facing in. He blinks at him, and for a second he looks like he’s expecting something, but with another glance, Siwon decides Hyukjae is just honestly… looking at him. He doesn’t know why other than because he can, maybe, and something burns in his stomach at the thought. He turns his eyes away, feeling Hyukjae’s gaze break at the same time.

“Will Donghae freak out if you’re too late getting back?” Siwon asks if only out a need to fill the silence, which isn’t awkward so much as it is unwelcome.

“Do I have to go back?” Hyukjae asks, curious and without a hint of offense. Siwon shifts until he’s on his side, too, letting his words sink in.

“No,” he decides after a second, though it’s not like he could imagine saying the alternative. “Not if you don’t want to.”

“So I won’t,” Hyukjae responds, falling onto his back like it’s settled and curling a hand behind his head. Siwon watches his chest rise and fall, struck by how calm he feels despite the lump in his throat. For some reason, he already knew that tonight he’d stay, even though he never has before. Something, though he’s not sure what, clicked differently, and to watch Hyukjae walk out the door when it was still dark outside would have thrown it all off. It would have been unpredictable.

Hyukjae doesn’t play the game that way. And Siwon would never push him to, would never want him to. But he’s only human, and even as readable as Hyukjae is in this moment, sometimes, he just needs something said out loud to trust it. “Do you think it’s weird at all? Doing this.”

“Screwing?” Hyukjae asks, Siwon snorting as, of course, he fills in the parts Siwon is just slightly too tactful to say. Bluntness is often what rubs people the wrong way about Hyukjae, but he’s always appreciated it, because he doesn't do it to be spiteful or cutting, he just doesn’t want the important parts to go unsaid. Or that’s the feeling Siwon gets, anyway. Hyukjae’s never given him a reason not to believe it. “I think we’d probably go insane if we didn't. It would be someone else if it weren’t me, right? I’ve been there, and I don’t know about you, but I like it better this way. So maybe. But fuck it.”

For some reason, this doesn’t feel like a change either. If nothing else, he can always trust Hyukjae in that aspect. He’s never shocked. This feels easy, too. Authentic. The same pull in his veins he feels now is the reason he’s always liked him, after all. He could never deny the chance to feel sane again, even if the cause is someone and something so… undeniably bizarre.

But if it weren’t like that, it wouldn’t work out.

“Yeah,” Siwon agrees, chest twisting with something hard and heavy as he watches Hyukjae’s eyes close and his lips part, red and still swollen. He counts to three and takes a deep breath, focusing before he can trust himself to respond. He shrugs, shaking his head at himself as he settles in beside him. “Fuck it.”


End file.
